So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I love you. Go after that dick
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
