that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want to make out with him forever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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