he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
