Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
