im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
