So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
