I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
