And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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