i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
