So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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