That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
