Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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