i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How does one acquire holy water?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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