is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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