foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
