yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
