I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
