It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
