No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
