My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
