i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
