Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
