Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
