Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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