I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
