glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
