I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was like eating out sand paper
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
