She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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