So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
