He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
