Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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