If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
