I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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