I wish my penis had an off switch
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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