he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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