yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
As shirtless as possible
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
