You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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