She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
