they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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