it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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