if you like me you must not know who I am
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
