Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He did a backflip because drugs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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