I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
