let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
