it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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