You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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