So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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