don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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