it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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