I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
