next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
