I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is it penis luge time yet?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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