i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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