Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
