If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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