So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
