omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
