I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
