UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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