So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
