i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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