Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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