I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
