And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
