A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
