i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
