when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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