i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
