you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
