I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
