Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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